Michael Jackson: With a Child’s Heart

Let me get this straight. We were supposed to believe a fully sedated man sat up in bed while his doctor, who was being paid $150,000 nuts a month was out of the room while Michael prepared a complicated injection for himself because he was suicidal?Ch’mon. Propofol is injected via slow drip, not just by jabbing a needle in your arm.  Michael killing himself wasn’t going to fly. That’s not a viable line of defense. Or as Dr. Shafer explained at the trial. “People don’t just wake up from anesthesia hell-bent to pick up a syringe and pump it into the IV, It’s a crazy scenario” as he explained how complicated the procedure was. And that is part of why Conrad Murray has been sentenced to four years in custody for the death of Michael Jackson.

Here is a rap re-mix of MJ’s Monster by Bigspookloc and the lyrics by Justice4MJ, which is organized by Erin Jacobs and Amy Kimes, who have rallied and organized fans around the world. I love the passion of MJ fans. They write songs, show support with signs, organize banners, travel internationally to see where Michael lived.

Murray’s defense kept crumbling. If he was trying to ween Jackson off propofol, why did he order 4 gallons? Murray was so grossly negligent, it is criminal. If Murray really was a friend to Michael as he stated he was, he would have enlisted help so Michael could sleep. Friends don’t let friends use propofol.

Thank G-d for the testimony of propofol expert Dr. Shafer. Two doctors who evaluated Murray’s conduct for the California Medical Board gave the following quotes.  Dr. Nathan Kamangar described Murray’s conduct as “unethical, disturbing and beyond comprehension.” Dr. Alon Steinberg enumerated deviations from the standard of care and said “if all of these deviations didn’t happen, Michael Jackson might have been alive.”

Here are some photos from the courthouse today.

Jackie Papier from Redondo Beach said “the day I’m celebrating is when the sentencing came down. I’m happy for the prosecution.” She created this t-shirt which she sells and gives the proceeds to two of Michael’s charities: Center for Apes & Unicef.

Jackie Papier

Taaj Malik is a treasure who has been fighting relentlessly for years on behalf on Michael Jackson with dedication and devotion. She fought to make sure that Michael’s charity would continue as he wanted. I love Taaj, she never, ever backs down.

Taaj Malik

When you are being paid to monitor your patient and keep him alive you don’t diddle daddle in another room while patient is on a slow drip of propofol. How about the fact that propofol was being fueled into Michael’s veins even after he was dead?

Randy Jackson
Jermaine Jackson

Jackson signed up for a concert tour, he was in rehearsals and yes, he was filled with anxiety. Who wouldn’t be? The coroner’s report clearly stated his body had no signs of substance abuse. Here is what one of the people who treated him during the first half of ’09 said:

“He wasn’t looking to get high or feel good and sedated from drugs,” she said. “This was a person who was not on drugs. This was a person who was seeking help, desperately, to get some sleep, to get some rest.”

When will the travesty against this man end?  The lack of humanity was stunning. Murray violated every standard of care while operating outside his area of speciality. No monitoring equipment, delayed calling 911, a botch job on CPR, hiding evidence, lying to paramedics, lying to UCLA doctors, and injecting MJ with a lethal dose of propofol. Not to mention shipping propofol to his girlfriends’s house. Talk about a non-existant morality. His hubris and lack of regard for Jackson cost his life. Oh, and tape recording Michael in the privacy of his own home, his own bedroom. What was Murray planning to do with that?

His story changed four times at the last count. I find it deplorable that Murray’s defense was banking on twenty years of lies, false accusations, skewed stories and sheer brutalization. Maybe when Murray goes to jail, his lying lawyers can visit him with some sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication and maybe twenty-five mg of  propofol.

This trial began long ago not June 25, 2009. It began in 1993 when Evan Chandler blackmailed MJ for twenty million. When he didn’t get what he want, he sought to destroy MJ. MJ was the victim of a 21st century lynching while the media loved the news and the scandal.  Thomas Sneddon, the vindictive DA of Santa Barbara, was crazed in his desire to destroy MJ. MJ was victimized twice, Conrad Murray ran for 3rd base and hit Michael right out of the park.

The lies continued when Gavin Arvizo’s desperate mother Janet decided to come up with the preposterous tale that MJ molested her cancer stricken son. Since when did character assassination become part of a trial? This is what MJ lived with and died with. When will we learn the lessons. We need to stop blaming the victim.

MJ was known to have insomnia when he toured. His stress levels were on overload. How about if Murray told the truth about this talented philanthropist and entertainer. The defense wanted to slice the pie and hand out pieces of blame. Conrad Murray baked the pie and he overcooked it forty-seven minutes too late while he was on the phone. Oh, and propofol is only usable for twenty four hours after it has been opened or punctured. How about the fact there were open propofol bottles all over MJ’s bedroom?

The media doesn’t reflect the facts. When it comes to Michael Jackson, it is about profit and always has been. Propofol should never be administered in any setting other than a hospital with life saving monitoring equipment not some quack sitting by texting and calling girlfriend(s). Since when do you put someone under anesthesia and then gab on the phone?

I think of most people as balls. We see balls bounce and roll around. They’re resilient, mostly predictable and, no matter what angle you look at them from, they always look the same. But occasionally, we see a person who is an egg. Those are the extraordinary people. To the many balls, the few eggs look and behave oddly, and they clearly are not their kind and don’t fit in. Some of us are ordinary, conforming, uniform balls and others have no choice to reach in search of our limits and, as a result, stretch ourselves out of shape into eggs.

It’s apparent Michael was an egg. There is something about all that stretching that seems to make eggs fragile. If you throw them onto the floor or up against a wall, you can be sure they are going to break. We all know that. America was determined to break Michael Jackson into little tiny pieces. Then the media was focused on MJ sleeping with a doll for more media sensationalism during this trial. When will American media obsession with journalism of personal destruction stop?

We have waited so long for this trial. Did justice prevail? Michael Jackson meant so much to me, not only as an artist but as someone who cared about humanity. He cared about our planet, he cared about children, he simply cared. His neglected childhood would be the catalyst to the makings of a complex man. I think Michael was always a child at heart.  As far as MJ being strange, I applaud his unique ways. Aberrant, abnormal, astonishing, astounding, atypical, bizarre, curious, different, eccentric, erratic, exceptional, extraordinary, fantastic, far-out, funny, idiosyncratic, inexperienced, irregular, marvelous, mystifying, new, newfangled, odd, oddball, off, offbeat, out-of-the-­way, outlandish, peculiar, perplexing, quaint, queer, rare, remarkable, singular, unaccounta­ble, unaccustomed, uncanny, uncommon, unheard of, unseasoned, unusual, weird, wonderful.

Being different was nothing to be ashamed of. He had a pure heart and he was able to reach people emotionally with his unique gift from G-d. He was among the kindest souls to ever walk the planet which is why so many loved him. With A Child’s Heart is one of my favorite songs. It was Michael Jackson’s anthem and it was what he lived. A child’s heart sees no danger, hatred, sadness, or prejudice, but rather love, peace, and unity. Heavy was the head that wore his crown. He carried a lot of pain, disappointment and sheer loneliness that seemed to plague his heart his entire life.

Michael was a mirror, mirrors always show us the truth whether we want to see it or not. It’s too scary for most of us to look at ourselves so we spend time bashing someone we never knew. MJ had nothing but pure love and goodwill in his kind heart and never hurt a soul. America met him with judgment, resentment, deceit, lies, bigotry, hypocrisy. Why?  Because he didn’t womanize instead he preferred being around children and animals.He brought beauty and joy to our world.  I would have loved to have been friends with him. Climbing trees, water fights, Disneyland, playing with animals, watching movies. Yes, if that is odd, then I’m on board with the odd train. Troubled soul? Half our planet is filled with troubled souls. Myriads of us walking around day after day but we don’t have the media dropping the ball on our every move. Of course, half the planet took the gossip and dirt and ran with it. Oh, and by the way, I sleep with a doll.

With A Child’s Heart

Go face the worries of the day

With a child’s heart

Turn each problem into play

No need to worry no need to fear

Just being alive makes it all so very clear

With a child’s heart

Nothing can ever get you down

With a child’s heart

You’ve got no reason to frown

Love is as welcome

As a sunny sunny day

No grown-up thoughts

To lead our hearts astray

Take life easy, so easy nice and easy

Like a child so gay and so carefree

The whole world smiles with you

As you go your merry way

Oh with a child’s heart

Nothing’s gonna get me down

We’ve already had enough – Stop the Conrad Murray documentary

“A faint cold fear thrills through my veins that almost freezes up the heat of life.” Thanks Shakespeare. We had justice for approximately 24 hours. Scratch the sense of closure I wrote about 2 days ago. When I heard the recording of Michael Jackson’s voice where Michael was taped in the privacy of his home, I knew what Dr. Murray was up to all along. Think about it. There are no words that exist in the English language for Murray’s ethics but appalling comes to mind. Murray was sitting in Michael’s bedroom with his iPhone tape recording Michael. What exactly was he planning to do with that? Michael was in the privacy of his own home and still had no privacy.What a horrific violation of trust.

“They gotta hear it from me,

They gotta hear it from you,

They gotta hear it from us,

We can’t take it.

We’ve already had enough.”

Is the media a mirror of society? If it is, then we have hit rock bottom. It’s obvious why Murray choose not to testify in court. He had this planned all along complete with a tape recording he made of Michael’s voice. I wonder how much he was paid?

Channel 4 is ready in the wings with a diabolical documentary featuring an exclusive interview with Murray, the doctor who was found guilty in the death of the world’s most beloved entertainer. How much money will Murray pocket from his documentary? How far will the tabloid trash reach? I wrote a blog about Money last week and I wasn’t far off. There are laws that prevent a felon from profiting from his crime but not if the documentary was completed prior to the end of the trial where Murray was considered innocent. Congratulations to Murray who got around the law again.

Michael Jackson was making money from the time he was eight years old. He grew up knowing that people wanted to be near him for his money. He knew that many did not care about him and his giant heart that cared about people, children, families, art, animals, nature and his fans. From Evan Chandler to Janet Arvizo to Martin Bashirs to Rabbi Schmuley to Conrad Murray, we come full circle to what Michael Jackson endured his entire life. Who could he trust? No wonder he filled his bedroom with mannequins when he was 20 years old. At least he could speak to someone who wouldn’t record his thoughts or publish a book of his deepest sorrows.

No wonder Michael preferred the company of children to adults. Greedy people saw money signs when they looked at Michael and Michael knew that. The only thing Michael Jackson was guilty of was trusting the wrong people.

Conrad Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter just two days ago. Why isn’t he hanging his head in shame? Instead a documentary is going to be aired next week! Michael Jackson is dead because of Murray’s negligence and now we have to fight the network to cancel an inappropriate show? Why is it a constant battle with us against the media to simply DO THE RIGHT THING.It is inconceivable that a killer be allowed to profit from his victim, the person that he killed. It is inconceivable that a doctor releases personal information on one of his patients. It is inconceivable that our justice system allows a criminal to become a millionaire after killing a celebrity. What kind of messages are we sending to the children?

Because Murray got caught up in the money that came with pop superstar Michael Jackson. We saw the testimony of all of Murray’s various women. Murray boasted that he was Michael Jackson’s doctor. It was part of how he seduced women. His “care” killed Michael because of Murray’s greed. I am disturbed, appalled, upset by how wrong this is. Here we go again.

Was justice served?  Murray’s attorneys are going to appeal the verdict. What will Murray serve? He got 4 years but honestly visa vi the new statute going into effect his crime will be a jail felony so 4 years becomes 2 years. He’ll get good behavior and our jails are full.  Murray will serve around 7-14 months then he’ll get book deals and he’ll head off to Europe with his money and what about the fact that Frank Dileo is dead. How come no one addressed that when Murray came down the stairs in a panic and called for Prince that Kai, the chef, just went back to cooking the meal?

What about the catalogue?  I want to know what about the Sony/ATV catalogue? The bottom line is they got away with murder. Everyone knows Michael was concerned that he would be killed so his catalogue could be controlled. Art transcended Michael’s troubles when he was alive but I suspect that we’ve only just begun the fight.

Here’s my truth. My mother was the victim of abuse and her abuser walked away free. No justice was served and I had no voice as a 14 year-old girl. I have a voice now and I’m going to keep using it until I can’t anymore.  Michael Jackson doesn’t have a voice anymore. We all must gather forces and be a voice for him. We stopped the program that was going to air where a live autopsy would be done on his cadaver. We can stop this programming.

Everyone who is willing to take the time and make the effort should write letters and mail or fax to:

NBC Entertainment and Universal Media Studios

100 Universal City Plaza

Universal City, CA 91608

818.777.1000 Fax:  818.866.1430

Marc Graboff


West Coast Business Operations,

Television Entertainment,

NBC Universal

Twitter:  http://twitter.com/#!/mgraboff

Rebecca Marks

Executive Vice President, Publicity

Charles Engel

Executive Vice President, Programming

Curt King

Senior Vice President, Publicity, Marketing and Corporate Communications

MSNBC Cable. L.L.C. 30 Rockefeller Plaza

New York, NY 10112

Phone: 212.664.4444 Fax: 212.664.4085

Phil Griffin,

President, MS NBC

Email: phil.griffin@nbcuni.com

Sharon Otterman

Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer

Email: Sharon.otterman@nbcuni.com

Jeremy Gaines
Vice President Media Relations

Email: Jeremy.gaines@nbcuni.com

Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/jeremymgaines

Bill Wolff

Vice President, Primetime Programming

Email: bill.wolff@nbcuni.com

Mike Rubin

Vice President, Long Form Programming

Email: mike.rubin@nbcuni.com

Deb Finan

Vice President, Production and Programming

Email: deb.finan@nbcuni.com

Commit to not watching the program and persuade everyone you know to do the same.

Let’s twitter something more important than the best place to get a facial or eat lunch. Let’s continue the fight for justice for Michael please. Michael was treated differently than you or I his entire life because he was 100% unique. He’s been on trial most of his life. The media ignored his philanthropic endeavors and they invented salacious lies about him. Even if you aren’t an MJ fan, it’s time to raise your voice. It’s time to get indignant and call, write, tweet, fax, share, spread and don’t stop. Where is the humanity?

As Michael Jackson wrote in We’ve Had Enough :

“There’s nothing that can’t be done if we raise our voice as one.”

“They gotta hear it from me,

They gotta hear it from you,

They gotta hear it from us,

We can’t take it.

We’ve already had enough.”

We've already had enough

Justice has been served for Michael Jackson on November 7, 2011

Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009 from acute propofol poisoning, while billions of people around the world cried, sharing their grief and anguish with each other and in the silence of their solitude.  The day we have been waiting for over 2 years is here as the fans at the courthouse patiently waited with their hand made signs.

Myra is from Denmark. She came for the 1st two weeks of the trial, went home to work and returned for the verdict. “It’s up to us now” she said. “Michael is important to us.”

Myra from Denmark

Joana from Hollywood has been at the trial every day for 6 weeks. “My nerves have been shot and my stomach hurts but I am here for Michael.”

Joana from Hollywood

Laura from Bologna, Italy. “I have been here at the courthouse for 2 weeks. Michael deserves people from all over the world to be here in support of him. “

Laura from Bologna, Italy

Rita from Oklahoma was here for the first week of the trial, went home and is back looking for a place to live in Los Angeles. “We are Michael’s legacy of love, we will carry his message the rest of our lives. That is justice for Michael. When he died, it hit me in the gut and I lost my appetite for 9 months. I experienced divine love that I  have never known before. I was minding my own life and was consumed by this ephiphany. It’s not celebrity worship. We are discovering the man.”

Rita from Oklahoma

Cami is 21 years old and has loved Michael Jackson since she was a little girl. She came out today in support of Michael because she loves him.

Cami from Los Angeles
Jake Byrd

When the guilt verdict was announced today, La Toya Jackson let out a loud but short scream as there were cheers, hugs, tears and people chanting “justice, justice, justice” as we waited for the Jackson family to exit the court house they’ve become all too familiar with.

Jermaine, Randy Jackson
Jermaine Jackson
La Toya Jackson
Rebbie Jackson
Officer Ramirez

Michael’s message of love, pure and simple, was delivered through his music.  I was hurt at work the day he died. I couldn’t quite grasp the concept of him being gone as his music has been the soundtrack to my life as far back as grade school when I would listen to Going Back To Indiana on my record player while dancing and clapping with my friend. I had a spiritual ephiphany when we lost Michael.  Like Rita, I was living my life when I began Michaeling.

Michael Jackson graced our planet with his enormous talents.  Where he connected with me deeply was his caring, compassionate other centered-heart. From the time he was a young boy, he was feeding mice behind the refrigerator until he got caught. Mice, rats, snakes, he loved all of god’s little critters.  He didn’t have a mean bone in his body. I watched interviews of him at Hayvenhurst during the Thriller era. He must have said the word magic a dozen times as his eyes sparkled with light. Michael was filled with joy, light, love, laughter with the innocence of a young child. As his magical music climbed the charts and he broke all records, the media told fantastic lies and would eventually be part of trying to extinguish his light. Darkness always tries to snuff out light bearers.

He’s not physically with us anymore but he leaves behind a legacy of music and love that will be with us forever.  “This is not a crime involving a mistake of judgment. … This was a crime where the end result was the death of a human being,” Pastor said in explaining his decision to remand Murray to police custody. Justice has been served as we finally have some type of closure for the greatest entertainer that ever lived with a heart that loved so grand. Michael said:  “My message is healing, pure and simple.” Michael, we want you back.

1:02 Please watch how Michael’s presence moved children to tears:

Anything for Money: Day 21 of Conrad Murray trial

“Lie for it, spy for it, kill for it, die for it.” I didn’t write those words. Michael Jackson did. Those words are part of the lyrics to Money, the song off Jackson’s 1995 History album, the first album he released since he was falsely accused of child molestation by Evan Chandler, Jordy Chandler’s father. Money was interpreted as being directed at Evan Chandler. That case was proven extortion and Chandler’s words are recorded “Everything’s going according to a certain plan that isn’t just mine… and if I go through with this, I win big time. There’s no way I lose. I’ve checked that inside out. I will get everything I want, and they will be destroyed forever. June will lose custody of Jordy and Michael’s career will be over.”

The media conveniently forgot about and tried to cover up that Chandler didn’t call child services but instead called attorney Barry Rothman. Why? To get the  money he wanted Michael to give him because he wanted to write movies for Hollywood and not be a dentist anymore. History was filled with emotion as Jackson’s mistreatment by the media ignited and created his most angry, raw and personal album. Michael wrote about isolation, (Stranger in Moscow), greed (Money) and the anger he felt at the injustice placed upon him & at the tabloid press (Scream). He wrote D.S. which was directed at malicious Tom Sneddon, the prosecutor in the 1993 case who had Michael’s Neverland home raided the day his new cd came out. Michael would begin using painkillers, Xanax and Ativan to deal with all the stress placed upon him with the false allegations. Fast forward to the 2005 trial; another witch hunt against Michael Jackson. Janet Arvizo was proven to have lied in the past to secure money from JC Penny and exploited celebrities for money. Michael was the perfect target as he helped her young son Gavin in a fight against cancer. What did Janet Arvizo want? Money.

Isn’t it ironic that 16 years later, Dr. Paul White, who is being paid $3,500 a day to testify could barely answer any question asked of him in court today with a yes or no answer?  We’ve all figured out that he is being paid to lie about propofol. Money.

Deputy District Attorney David Walgren asked White at least 4 times, “Did Conrad Murray act like someone well skilled in advanced cardiac life support?” because White simply couldn’t give a yes or no answer and even said it was difficult for Murray to call 911 because Jackson’s bedroom was an isolated area, (“it was a bedroom upstairs” retorted Walgreen), that there was a gate with security guards and no working telephone in the house. Of course, we all know Murray’s phone records show him making 47 minutes of phone calls after Jackson stopped breathing. Incredulous!

White went so far as to anger judge Pastor and at one point, Walgren was questioning White and asked “Who is responsible for bringing propofol into Michael Jackson’s home”?

Dr. White answers: “Well, Conrad certainly purchased propofol but I understand Mr. Jackson had his own supply as well.”

“Really”? Deputy District Attorney David Walgren asks sarcastically of Dr. White.

“Correct” answers White.

“You keep throwing out rehearsed lines, I think.” Walgren says holding back his anger and frustration and says to Judge Pastor; “would the court admonish the witness?” Walgren asks/demands of Judge Pastor after his cross examination slaughters White.  Pastor angrily says White is in contempt of court and fines him a measly $1000 nuts.


The allegations against Michael Jackson were an elaborate plan to extort money from him.  Not only in 1993 and the trial of 2005 but the hundreds of lawsuits he received every year from people who wanted their own chunk of Michael Jackson’s bank account. Money.

Another line from Michael Jackson’s Money that aptly fits Dr. White:

“You say you wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world. I don’t think so.”

Michael Jackson was murdered and we miss his heart.

The first day of the trial of Conrad Murray brought out droves of fans, his family, and blocks of camera trucks with reporters, photographers and camera crews. I met a woman who flew from Paris, France to show her support. She told me to please not use her name as she took time from work, just like she did for him during the trials of 2005.”Michael was like family for me. Of course I will be here” she told me.  This was a man whose heart touched so many of us around the world. Michael Jackson reached people on a deep emotional level which any artist dreams of doing. He was a man so gentle, kind and loving that Spielberg remarked “if E.T. hadn’t come to Elliott, he would have come to your house.”

United States banner for Michael
Chile banner for Michael
Netherlands banner for Michael
Romania banner for Michael
Malaysia banner for Michael
Bulgaria banner for Michael
Katherine & Joseph Jackson
La Toya Jackson
Randy Jackson
Rebbie Jackson
Tito Jackson

Any reasonable person knows Michael Jackson was murdered. Experts say Murray violated 18 standards of care while “caring” for his patient. Michael has been dead over two years and instead of focusing on Murray’s abysmal treatment of Michael, the media is going to focus on the ludicrous defense that Michael was a drug addict who woke up and self injected a lethal dose of Propofol. Even if MJ had drug issues in the past from having the top of his scalp burnt off, even if Mj was known for having insomnia when touring, what does that have to do with Murray basically sleeping on the job? I thought that the media would finally leave Michael be upon his departure from earth. Murray will be acquitted and it’s obvious to us “crazy” fans that MJ’s death was about money and Murray’s acquittal is about making sure Murray doesn’t talk.  It’s abhorrent to me how much everyone wanted a piece of MJ. Michael isn’t on trial here, Murray is. Where is the justice?

There are no words that exist in the English language for the reckless way Murray administered and didn’t attend to his patient. Murray’s negligence was nothing short of a crime, a crime of murder. Here is a Murray timeline.


During the 2005 trial it was revealed when documents of MJ finances were turned in, that most of his lawyers and advisor were ripping him off blind. Not to mention that Santa Barbara’s district attorney Tom Sneddon falsified evidence while he acted with impunity in a trial that nearly destroyed MJ. Why was Sneddon not criminally charged with lying to federal officers? We all know Sneddon was at the top of the pig trough with little piggies Diane Diamond, Martin Bashirs, Tommy Mottola having seconds. We destroyed the spirit of, and then killed an innocent man with unimaginable cruelty. How does our great democracy allow witch-hunts?

Where is the justice in all of this? Michael was handcuffed, arrested and forced to place 2 million dollars bail for a crime he did not commit in 2005. Meanwhile, Murray is walking the streets more than 2 years after Michael’s death with a paltry $75,000 bail.Who paid his bail? He is supposedly bankrupt.

Everyone wanted a piece of MJ’s net worth. Take a look at the PDF of the bill that Dr. Klein submitted to the estate of Michael Jackson for Botox services rendered. Now, I’m not an expert of Botox or Restylane but I know it doesn’t cost $2000 for an injection of Restylane that is unless of course you are a doctor with no scruples whatsoever and you know you can charge your famous patient crazy fees because after all, it’s accountants paying the bills.


I understand Dr. Murray’s “plight”. In our world doctors are strangled by debt resulting from diminishing reimbursement, large malpractice premiums, and high overhead costs. Yes, but, how can you in all good consciousness, take a job that requires you to anesthetize a client unless you are an anesthesiologist. One word: money. Michael wrote about this on his 1995 album History in a song called Money.

When does the insanity end? Michael Jackson didn’t suffer cardiac arrest. He was paying Dr. Conrad Murray to monitor him and yet the phone records of Murray’s not one but 2 phones show him on the phone during the time he was supposedly “stunned to see that Michael Jackson was not breathing when he left the room for 2 minutes to relieve himself.” Murray said, “I gave Michael Jackson propofol and left the room.” Millions of patients, for more than 20 years have received this drug with no issues. The two fundamental reasons are someone watched them and monitored them with heart and blood oxygenation monitors. There was equipment to do intubation if patient stopped breathing. All witnesses verify no such equipment was in Jackson’s bedroom.

Dr. Conrad Murray called an attorney while Michael was dead. I think he called an attorney for obvious reasons. Imagine that phone call: Oh, oh, I just killed Michael Jackson. He lied and said Michael had a weak pulse but Michael was already dead. He called fellow doctor Arnold Klein. All these calls made within a period of 47 minutes while Michael stopped breathing. Murray, even my 13-year-old niece knows to call 911 first when someone stops breathing.  Here’s a list of the data and phone calls he made while Jackson lay dying while Murray didn’t call 911 because he was “caring” for his patient. I would like to know how Murray could care for his patient when it seems all he was doing was texting, calling girlfriends, other patients, and other assorted people. In other words, he wasn’t taking his $150,000 a month job to monitor Mr. Jackson too seriously. That is obvious as he didn’t keep any medical records or have a physical exam on Michael. Something simple is not knowing you never combine benzodiazepines with anything especially Propofol. Then of course, there is the fact that Murray made sure he tucked away evidence of Propofol. While Michael lay on the bed, eyes wide open and mouth gaping, security guard Alvarez watched as Murray shuffled around MJ’s room, grabbing handfuls of bottles off the nightstand and commanding Alvarez  to remove the IV bag. Then, and only then did Murray give Alvarez instructions to call 911. I am quite certain that hiding evidence is a big no no.

Harry Dhaliwal, an AT&T employee, discussed Murray’s cell phone activity on June 25th, 2009.  Beginning at 12:04 am and continuing every hour, on the hour until 6:04 am, Murray received data.  In addition, at 6:25 a.m., 9:00 a.m., 9:11 a.m., 10:26 a.m., 12:03 p.m., 12:04 p.m., 12:53 p.m. and 1:23 p.m., Murray received or sent a text message.  He received data at 7:03 a.m., 7:20 a.m., 8:14 a.m., 8:35 a.m., 8:54 a.m., 10:04 a.m., 10:15 a.m., 10:24 a.m., 12:13 p.m., 12:18 p.m. and 2:19 p.m.

In addition, he had several phone calls on June 25th, 2009:

9:23 a.m. incoming call lasts 22 minutes (Bioni)

·10:29 a.m. incoming call lasts 22 minutes[1]

·11:07 a.m. incoming call lasts 1 minute (Ruggles)

·11:18 a.m. incoming call lasts 32 minutes (Global Cardiovascular)[2]

·11:26 a.m. incoming call lasts 24 minutes (Russell)

·11:49 a.m. outgoing call lasts 3 minutes

·11:51 a.m. outgoing call lasts 11 minutes (Anding)

·12:12 p.m. outgoing call lasts 1 minute

·12:15 p.m. outgoing call lasts 1 minute

Jeff Strohm is a custodian of records for Sprint/Nextel.  He detailed the phone calls Murray made from that phone:

·7:01 a.m. outgoing call lasts 25 seconds (Butler)

·8:49 a.m. incoming call lasts 53 seconds (Guild)

·10:22 a.m. incoming call lasts 111 seconds (Dr. Prechad)

·10:34 a.m. outgoing call lasts 8 ½ minutes (Ruggles)

·11:26 a.m. incoming call lasts seven seconds (Morgan)

·1:08 p.m. outgoing call lasts 2 minutes (Alvarez)

If you are being paid to monitor a patient, to make sure that patient is breathing because you have given him a drug that affects the respiratory system, shouldn’t you watch the patient and not be on your iPhone texting and calling? Had Murray gotten off his iPhone calling attorneys, Dr. Klein, girlfriends and his office and called 911 instead of trying to cover himself, there is a good possibility Michael would still be alive. Didn’t Murray learn in medical school that it’s best not to text girlfriends when your patient stops breathing but to call 911?

Even though I believe there are more players involved in the planned death of Michael Jackson, Dr. Conrad Murray is the culprit because he administered a drug, the drug that caused Michael’s breathing to stop. My prayer and hope is that his honesty testimony will bring forward the other ones involved. Murray is a small piece of this ugly puzzle.

The laws need to be changed. Instead of greed with dollar signs underlined and highlighted, Murray could have suggested Michael try breath work with a professional. This would be taking the route to the highest good of all concerned. The mind always follows the breath. The key to controlling the mind is controlling the breath. In the earthly realms, breath comes first. Our breath is connected to the movements of all our emotions and thoughts. Breath is the life force of the atom.  If someone can’t sleep, help him learn how to breath. No, instead he injects him with a drug that is only

  1. Used in hospital settings.
  2. Administered by an anesthesiologist.
  3. Monitored with proper breathing equipment i.e.: hospital, proper airway management, supplemental oxygen, artificial ventilation and CPR training.
  4. Not a sleep aid or agent.

My father always taught me I have to pay for any mistakes I make. Who pays for this job botched beyond repair? The harm he placed on Michael Jackson is irreversible. Murray forgot the first Hippocratic oath; the moral conduct of physicians:  First do no harm. Seems like that concept is a foreign language to Murray.

Michael’s death was a spiritual awakening for many including myself. With all the cynicism in the world, Michael’s heart was a breath of fresh air because it was open, untainted, pure.  When I reached out to thank Taaj Malik today for her undying support of Michael, she went to hug me and we both held each other while crying against one another’s chests. Today my heart is filled with sadness, hurt and sorrow. I can’t help but think to myself  “he was pure love and they killed him.”

He delighted in elementary things like riding roller coasters with children, water fights with over-sized squirt guns and animals that loved unconditionally.  That caused those with darkness and black in their hearts to judge him. For those who didn’t feel love in our sometimes loveless world, he showed us not to be scared to love and when you told him you loved him, he always said,  “I love you more.” He didn’t just sing it in his lyrics, he lived love by reaching out to others with his actions throughout his life. Michael had all the qualities I love in another: A life long learner; he was a gentle soul; kind, loving, playful, respectful, filled with compassion and he loved to laugh. In terms of his creative genius, he had determination, perseverance, persistence, and never ending hope even when he was kicked down over and over. He had a feminine side he was not afraid to show. Loving big and always thanking the creator for his gifts, he never stopped giving to the world and he was the personification of passion. We feel the loss of his love. We miss the universe shining through his eyes, his work and everything he touched. There is something broken on our planet and there is a sadness for me that one person who spent his life trying to fix it, was snuffed out. His light, though, carries on through each and every one of us.

Michael Jackson wanted to sleep, Conrad Murray at the courthouse

Back to the courthouse for the fourth preliminary hearing for the trial of Conrad Murray. Katherine, Joe, brother Randy and sister Rebbie arrived around 12:30 and were there for less than an hour. There were about two dozen fans with banners for Michael demanding justice.

The question the fans keep asking: If a medical doctor used Propofol in your home on a loved one and that person died of acute Propofol poisoning, wouldn’t the doctor be held libel especially in light of the lack of a hospital setting without proper machinery. Why has the judge pushed the preliminary trial to January 4, 2011? Michael’s death has been ruled a homicide. Murray’s defense is sticking with the story that Michael woke up from an anaesthetic induced sleep – make that a coma, and gave himself the lethal injection. I’m curious why MJ would have Murray on staff at the tune of $150,000 per month if he was planning to inject himself?  This defense theory is nothing short of shocking. Why are they forgetting Murray made 47 minutes of calls on his cell phone after he found Michael yet Murray states he left the room for two minutes to relieve himself. Whose responsibility is it for Michael’s untimely death? Michael? Michael’s brain needed to be monitored so the effect of the Propofol could be watched. Even if he didn’t intend to kill Michael, the point is Michael died from too much Propofol.

Here is a medical perspective blog strictly on the topic of the impossibility of Michael being able to inject himself if you want more detailed reading on the topic:


The latest strategy is Murray’s lawyers want to challenge the autopsy by unearthing Michael and proved he died from taking pain pills. As if Michael didn’t have enough people back stabbing him when he was alive, now they are considering digging him up from his grave? Wouldn’t it be easier to admit the truth, perhaps even make an apology to the family and fans? It’s emotional abuse to be denied what you need. Especially if all you are asking for is the truth. Michael’s family and fans need to hear the truth.

Michael’s addiction to pain pills and anxiety reducing drugs was perpetuated by doctors. Some say the addiction began with his hair burning off his scalp during the 1984 Pepsi commercial. Others say it was the allegations of child abuse in 1993 in the midst of the Dangerous tour. The damage to his spine from the bridge crashing to the stage on June 29, 1999 in Munich, Germany only added to years of other injuries including another fall off the stage. The average person doesn’t have so much trauma to their body and psyche. But what does this have to do with a lethal injection of Propofol?

Here’s the facts: Murray injected Michael with Propofol. Murray admits to leaving Michael alone. Coroner declares Propofol killed Michael.

In my humble opinion, the prosecution is grabbing at low hanging fruit by charging Murray with involuntary manslaughter instead of what he committed: second degree murder. I’m not going to even get into the topic of Murray’s history of numerous law suits giving him a massive amount of money issues.

Propofol has been safely administered to millions of patients since 1989, when it was brought to the U.S. As long as someone was monitoring the patient, there were no issues. EKG, blood pressure and pulse oximeter are always present. These were not present at Michael’s bedside.This drug is rarely administered outside a hospital setting. Propofol is not an intervenous sleeping pill. The first Hippocratic oath is First Do No Harm which means Murray should not have honored Michael’s request. I checked out a bottle of Propofol. On the label it says it should be administered by an anesthesiologist. I think if you are not an anesthesiologist you shouldn’t adminster anesthesia. Anyone with me on that? Money signs before common sense = whoops. Murray’s financial troubles are documented. If Murray knew he was playing with a dangerous drug, why not have all the necessary machines available? I’m just saying. Some say Murray is greedy,unethical, and unprofessional. I personally believe Murray made a mistake. My father always taught me I have to pay for my mistakes. Who will pay for this one? Michael had Insomnia from his earliest days touring with the Jackson Five. He was under stress preparing for his first tour in over a decade. He just wanted to sleep. We’ve all heard that no one ever died from not sleeping before this tragedy. Stay tuned, more to follow.

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Michael Jackson-Conrad Murray trial continues

Back at the courthouse for the continuation of the preliminary Conrad Murray trial. Yes, I’m still Michaeling. I continue to be there in support of one of the most loved yet misunderstood and judged performers in history. His death nearly a year ago was a cataclysmic event that continues to affect me and millions all over the globe.

The approximate one hour drive to downtown Los Angeles from my home is nothing compared to some of the sojourn fans made on Michael’s behalf. Fans from Argentina, Hong Kong, Netherlands,  Romania, Russian,  Spain, Malaysia made banners and signed messages.  I met Marilyn and Karen from Estonia. Angela and Lucy from Germany and Barbara from Czech.

Jermaine, Joe, La Toya and Katherine came in through the rear with Randy making his way through the fans lined up at the front. I decided to wait in the back for their exit and through the back door they came. I wasn’t quite as aggressive this time as the last when my camera was confiscated for taking pictures inside the court house.  Conrad Murray didn’t come in through the front or back, he was snuck in the underground garage.

I’m attaching photos to try to give you a sense of the powerful dedication MJ’s fans continue to hold for him and his family.  Millions if not billions of people all over the world continue to support and love him. I’ve spent countless hours reading about him which has brought me an understanding that Michael, more than anything, loved big. He was so gossamer that it had to be difficult living in his shoes. All his light constantly being snuffed out by dark. The insomnia that started so young. I imagine it would be difficult singing to hundreds of thousands of people on stage where the auditorium is a lovefest and then go home and sleep.  All that love coming at him for over four decades. Sometimes I have a hard time sleeping when I’m in love.

Michael’s death is a lesson in more ways than one. Not to waste a single moment of life. I’ve been writing for decades and not sharing a word. Sometimes a story here or there with an intimate friend but the rest was kept under lock and password. No more.

What happened to Michael reminds me of the media and Princess Diana. The press loved to focus on her anorexia, bulimia and depression instead of the charity work she did for children and eradicating land minds. With Michael, the press focused on his surgeries and skin color instead of his colossal charity work.Those of us who saw the beauty of his soul looked beyond the surgeries. We know that victims of child abuse often develop psychological problems such as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. We focused on his caring, loving spirit. Before and after concerts whenever he toured, Michael would visit sick and dying children. The press preferred to sully his name. Salacious allegations sell more newspapers than hospital visits to children with Leukemia, cancer and aids.

Michael’s life was backwards in some ways. He was an adult when he was a child and a child as an adult. Watching videos of him between the time of Off The Wall and Thriller, I saw a boy in a man’s body whose favorite word was magic. In one interview of 1984, he said magic six times.  He smiled and laughed a lot. By the end of the trial in 2005, not only did he not use the word magic but his light was gone. The media pummeled it out of him. In This Is It, his light returned. Even after he had been vilified by the mass media and forced to leave his homeland, Michael’s light returned. “We want to take them places they’ve never been before. It’s all for love. L-O-V-E”. His life’s work, in part, was to give us magic. He gave us great lessons. Even though he was the innocent victim of extortion engineered by greedy, corrupt adults,which was proven in both cases of the allegations against him, he kept loving. Even though he reportedly had over 1,500 lawsuits where people tried to get a piece of his wealth, he kept loving. He kept loving and forgiving in spite of all the judgements aimed at him.

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Michael Jackson, Conrad Murray, Vitiligo

I just returned from the courthouse in downtown Los Angeles for the second procedural hearing of Conrad Murray. Since the last time I went in February, there has been numerous updates of how Dr. Murray conducted himself while Michael Jackson was under his care.

We will never know the truth but we do know that at some point Dr. Murray left Michael alone long enough for him to stop breathing therefore we can assume the proper monitoring was not being done. Propofol is a powerful drug used for anaesthesia. It is meant to depress the heart rate and breathing for surgery, to be administered by trained professionals with facilities for monitoring ie: hospital, proper airway management, supplemental oxygen, artificial ventilation and CPR training.

Michael supposedly begged for the drug for sleep which has never been corroborated. If Murray did nothing else wrong, it is fair to say that the way he administered it was sloppy. Michael was put into an anaesthetic coma nightly with Murray’s care. Did his monthly salary make him forget the Hippocratic oath of preserving life?

Murray’s testimony is he injected Michael with 25 mg of Propofol but autopsy reports indicate Michael’s stomach was swimming in a Propofol bath. Then we have an empty 100ml container with the spike found in the closet. Murray made forty seven minutes of calls on his cell phone including calling his girlfriend and his office to have records removed. He doesn’t call 911 right away. He administers CPR on a bed. He stops CPR to order an aid to pick up bottles of prescription drugs he prescribed. He deliberately delayed calling paramedics to hide drugs. He didn’t tell paramedics he administered Propofol nor did he tell officials at UCLA he administered Propofol. Two days later, after thinking about it, he admits to this important piece of the puzzle. Under the law this is referred to as “consciousness of guilt”. He refused to sign the death certificate at UCLA. His sister La Toya did, not Michael’s doctor.

Now Murray is changing his story. He says Michael “woke up” and gave himself a lethal injection of Propofol. Ch’mon. Michael trusted doctors. He is dead now because of the trust he place in Murray.

Murray injected Jackson with Midazolam (Versed) and Lorazepam (Ativan) which are respiratory depressants. John Dombrowski, MD, a Washington, D.C., anesthesiologist and member of the board of directors of the American Society of Anesthesiologists. “You put them (Versed, Ativan) on top of Propofol, and you’re dead.”

The media is focusing on Michael’s white skin and the bleaching cream found in his bedroom. The post mortem carried out on Michael showed he suffered from Vitiligo, a condition which causes skin to lose its pigment. Benoquin is often prescribed to people with Vitiligo to lighten the skin around the affected areas; depigmentation to help speed along the process that is occurring. The media continues to focus on negativity  just as when Michael was alive. How Michael managed the maelstrom that was his life, is baffling.He had to keep forgiving.

Here is a blog that will help you visually see what happens when someone is suffering from Vitiligo. Great photos attached. If you ever wondered if Michael was trying to change his skin color from black to white, these photos alone should help you to understand the disease he suffered from. He told Oprah he suffered from Vitiligo in the 1993 interview but the press decided he was trying to change his skin color instead of believing him.



MJ’s scalp suffered third degree burns from the Pepsi commercial in 1984. He began prescription drugs for the immense pain he was in. He lost a lot of scalp hair. He was diagnosed with Lupus and Vitiligo sometime in the early eighties. He loses more hair. He loses his eyebrows, which is why he has them tattooed on. When he wouldn’t agree to Jordan Chandler’s fathers term of blackmail, he is wrongly accused of child molestation in 1993. More stress on his immune system, more drugs. Then he is accused of molestation by Gavin Arvizo’s mother Janet, a woman with a criminal record for feigning serious injuries in order to gain financially. A woman who is mentally ill. Two-three versions of her were seen at the trial.  It was revealed she had a history of perjury and fraud. Witnesses on stand actually said “Ok, I lied about everything”.  Even Tom Sneddon, who brought her in as an attempt to take out Michael Jackson, was disgusted with her.  The trial in 2005 just about kills Michael. He leaves his beloved Neverland feeling like an outsider in his home of the United States after Sneddon orchestrates the desecration of his home with seventy officers. Michael vows never to return to his dream home. He never did.  In my humble opinion, I think what the mass media did to Michael, including but not limited to Diane Diamond,Tom Sneddon, Tommy Mottola and Martin Bashir was an example of a modern day lynching. Diane Diamond admitted on camera that her sole aim in life was to destroy Michael Jackson and she was happy when she said it. She sided with witnesses who were unreliable, gave inaccurate reports. Why was she treated as a reliable source of information?  Michael was crucified, nails in both hands. We have a judicial system that can drag someone through the mud with no repercussions. How does a great democracy like America allow witch hunts?

MJ lived his entire life, from the age of five, in the public eye. Working strip clubs at the ripe age of eight. The constant vilification from the press wore his immune system down. How much media bashing can one person take? How much humiliation and pain can anyone take?  The result of the constant stress and ridicule had profound effects on him emotionally and physically. Not only did he deal with the humiliation of being wrongly accused, he then suffered from Lupus and Vitiligo while the press insisted he was changing his skin color.  It makes no sense that anyone wants their skin to become translucent white and have to walk around with an umbrella to keep from getting one iota of sun or skin cancer.

Read this story about an Afro-American girl who turned white:


An Afro-American man who turned white:


Why is it that most people think MJ slept in a hyperbolic chamber, tried to buy the Elephant Man’s bones, was trying to make himself white but don’t know he  broke the Guiness Book of Records for supporting more charities than any other entertainer? When he was successful, the media fed off him and eventually destroyed MJ. Considering his childhood abuse, his lack of childhood, the burn to his scalp, the illnesses, not to mention being accused of molestation and the constant spotlight, it’s a testament to how strong he was that he survived as long as he did. He did more in his short fifty years than most of us can even dream of. He created magic with his music and left his handprint on my spirit and my heart. His music has been the soundtrack to my life from the time I was in grade school. His voice and music brought light into my world.

Dark always tries to destroy light. Michael loved animals, children, play and laughter. He was soft, gracious, kind, fragile, caring, giving, loving, compassionate, eccentric, not judgmental, forgiving and vulnerable. He had deep loving platonic relationships. He cared deeply about humanity and the planet. Jealous, judgmental, insecure people had to make him wrong. Their hearts are in fear and control. I think people who made and continue to make fun of him were jealous because he was such a sweet soul. Those people are filled with envy, mistrust, and hatred. Michael’s heart was in the right place. I’m surprised he lived as long as he did. Maya Angelou said “We do know we had him and we are the world”. It’s a shame we didn’t take care of him. I only wonder what Michael’s life could have been had the media focused on the genuine, compassionate side of Michael.

“Everyone’s taking control of me, seems that the world’s got has a role for me. I’m so confused will you show to me, you’ll be there for me and care enough to bare me”.

The fans that turned out today are doing just that. People came from across the U.S, from France, Netherlands, Argentina and Germany. Children holding homemade banners. People singing his songs in unison.  Their passion is a testament to the love Michael Jackson felt for his fans. But even his fan’s love couldn’t keep him from the constant stress he was under.

As Katherine walks down the hallway, Janet is gently there for her. I’m told that Janet kept her hand on her mother nearly the entire time they were in court today. There was a look of anguish on Katherine Jackson’s face as she walked slowly down the hallway. I saw it in February as well. I see tears in her eyes. One of the fans has given her a few red roses. Today I held my hand out to her. She took my hand as I looked into her eyes. I said “G-d bless you”. We have an exchange for just a moment.

I am still grieving the loss of Michael Jackson, who, for me, was the personification of compassion. I cannot think of any artist who wrote about the unification of humanity and of love. His message was simple: L-O-V-E.

Perhaps Michael was just ahead of his time and the rest of us needed to catch up. I believe mediocre people judged Michael Jackson because he dared to be different. Society cannot bind the hands of genius.

I don’t agree with Rabbi Schmuley breaching confidence and trust by going public with his therapy sessions of Michael. There is a quote that may help us to understand what drove Michael. Michael was quoted as saying to Schmuley:  “I am going to say something I have never said before and this is the truth. I have no reason to lie to you and God knows I am telling the truth. I think all my success and fame, and I have wanted it, I have wanted it because I wanted to be loved. That’s all. That’s the real truth. I wanted people to love me, truly love me, because I never really felt loved. I said I know I have an ability. Maybe if I sharpened my craft, maybe people will love me more. I just wanted to be loved because I think it is very important to be loved and to tell people that you love them and to look in their eyes and say it.”

I know Propofol stopped Michael’s heart from beating but the judgment, hatred, misunderstanding and ridicule killed him decades ago.

“But they told me a man should be faithful and walk when not able and fight to the end but I’m only human”. Michael was after all, only human.