Michael Jackson: With a Child’s Heart

Let me get this straight. We were supposed to believe a fully sedated man sat up in bed while his doctor, who was being paid $150,000 nuts a month was out of the room while Michael prepared a complicated injection for himself because he was suicidal?Ch’mon. Propofol is injected via slow drip, not just by jabbing a needle in your arm.  Michael killing himself wasn’t going to fly. That’s not a viable line of defense. Or as Dr. Shafer explained at the trial. “People don’t just wake up from anesthesia hell-bent to pick up a syringe and pump it into the IV, It’s a crazy scenario” as he explained how complicated the procedure was. And that is part of why Conrad Murray has been sentenced to four years in custody for the death of Michael Jackson.

Here is a rap re-mix of MJ’s Monster by Bigspookloc and the lyrics by Justice4MJ, which is organized by Erin Jacobs and Amy Kimes, who have rallied and organized fans around the world. I love the passion of MJ fans. They write songs, show support with signs, organize banners, travel internationally to see where Michael lived.

Murray’s defense kept crumbling. If he was trying to ween Jackson off propofol, why did he order 4 gallons? Murray was so grossly negligent, it is criminal. If Murray really was a friend to Michael as he stated he was, he would have enlisted help so Michael could sleep. Friends don’t let friends use propofol.

Thank G-d for the testimony of propofol expert Dr. Shafer. Two doctors who evaluated Murray’s conduct for the California Medical Board gave the following quotes.  Dr. Nathan Kamangar described Murray’s conduct as “unethical, disturbing and beyond comprehension.” Dr. Alon Steinberg enumerated deviations from the standard of care and said “if all of these deviations didn’t happen, Michael Jackson might have been alive.”

Here are some photos from the courthouse today.

Jackie Papier from Redondo Beach said “the day I’m celebrating is when the sentencing came down. I’m happy for the prosecution.” She created this t-shirt which she sells and gives the proceeds to two of Michael’s charities: Center for Apes & Unicef.

Jackie Papier

Taaj Malik is a treasure who has been fighting relentlessly for years on behalf on Michael Jackson with dedication and devotion. She fought to make sure that Michael’s charity would continue as he wanted. I love Taaj, she never, ever backs down.

Taaj Malik

When you are being paid to monitor your patient and keep him alive you don’t diddle daddle in another room while patient is on a slow drip of propofol. How about the fact that propofol was being fueled into Michael’s veins even after he was dead?

Randy Jackson

Jermaine Jackson

Jackson signed up for a concert tour, he was in rehearsals and yes, he was filled with anxiety. Who wouldn’t be? The coroner’s report clearly stated his body had no signs of substance abuse. Here is what one of the people who treated him during the first half of ’09 said:

“He wasn’t looking to get high or feel good and sedated from drugs,” she said. “This was a person who was not on drugs. This was a person who was seeking help, desperately, to get some sleep, to get some rest.”

When will the travesty against this man end?  The lack of humanity was stunning. Murray violated every standard of care while operating outside his area of speciality. No monitoring equipment, delayed calling 911, a botch job on CPR, hiding evidence, lying to paramedics, lying to UCLA doctors, and injecting MJ with a lethal dose of propofol. Not to mention shipping propofol to his girlfriends’s house. Talk about a non-existant morality. His hubris and lack of regard for Jackson cost his life. Oh, and tape recording Michael in the privacy of his own home, his own bedroom. What was Murray planning to do with that?

His story changed four times at the last count. I find it deplorable that Murray’s defense was banking on twenty years of lies, false accusations, skewed stories and sheer brutalization. Maybe when Murray goes to jail, his lying lawyers can visit him with some sleeping pills, anti-anxiety medication and maybe twenty-five mg of  propofol.

This trial began long ago not June 25, 2009. It began in 1993 when Evan Chandler blackmailed MJ for twenty million. When he didn’t get what he want, he sought to destroy MJ. MJ was the victim of a 21st century lynching while the media loved the news and the scandal.  Thomas Sneddon, the vindictive DA of Santa Barbara, was crazed in his desire to destroy MJ. MJ was victimized twice, Conrad Murray ran for 3rd base and hit Michael right out of the park.

The lies continued when Gavin Arvizo’s desperate mother Janet decided to come up with the preposterous tale that MJ molested her cancer stricken son. Since when did character assassination become part of a trial? This is what MJ lived with and died with. When will we learn the lessons. We need to stop blaming the victim.

MJ was known to have insomnia when he toured. His stress levels were on overload. How about if Murray told the truth about this talented philanthropist and entertainer. The defense wanted to slice the pie and hand out pieces of blame. Conrad Murray baked the pie and he overcooked it forty-seven minutes too late while he was on the phone. Oh, and propofol is only usable for twenty four hours after it has been opened or punctured. How about the fact there were open propofol bottles all over MJ’s bedroom?

The media doesn’t reflect the facts. When it comes to Michael Jackson, it is about profit and always has been. Propofol should never be administered in any setting other than a hospital with life saving monitoring equipment not some quack sitting by texting and calling girlfriend(s). Since when do you put someone under anesthesia and then gab on the phone?

I think of most people as balls. We see balls bounce and roll around. They’re resilient, mostly predictable and, no matter what angle you look at them from, they always look the same. But occasionally, we see a person who is an egg. Those are the extraordinary people. To the many balls, the few eggs look and behave oddly, and they clearly are not their kind and don’t fit in. Some of us are ordinary, conforming, uniform balls and others have no choice to reach in search of our limits and, as a result, stretch ourselves out of shape into eggs.

It’s apparent Michael was an egg. There is something about all that stretching that seems to make eggs fragile. If you throw them onto the floor or up against a wall, you can be sure they are going to break. We all know that. America was determined to break Michael Jackson into little tiny pieces. Then the media was focused on MJ sleeping with a doll for more media sensationalism during this trial. When will American media obsession with journalism of personal destruction stop?

We have waited so long for this trial. Did justice prevail? Michael Jackson meant so much to me, not only as an artist but as someone who cared about humanity. He cared about our planet, he cared about children, he simply cared. His neglected childhood would be the catalyst to the makings of a complex man. I think Michael was always a child at heart.  As far as MJ being strange, I applaud his unique ways. Aberrant, abnormal, astonishing, astounding, atypical, bizarre, curious, different, eccentric, erratic, exceptional, extraordinary, fantastic, far-out, funny, idiosyncratic, inexperienced, irregular, marvelous, mystifying, new, newfangled, odd, oddball, off, offbeat, out-of-the-­way, outlandish, peculiar, perplexing, quaint, queer, rare, remarkable, singular, unaccounta­ble, unaccustomed, uncanny, uncommon, unheard of, unseasoned, unusual, weird, wonderful.

Being different was nothing to be ashamed of. He had a pure heart and he was able to reach people emotionally with his unique gift from G-d. He was among the kindest souls to ever walk the planet which is why so many loved him. With A Child’s Heart is one of my favorite songs. It was Michael Jackson’s anthem and it was what he lived. A child’s heart sees no danger, hatred, sadness, or prejudice, but rather love, peace, and unity. Heavy was the head that wore his crown. He carried a lot of pain, disappointment and sheer loneliness that seemed to plague his heart his entire life.

Michael was a mirror, mirrors always show us the truth whether we want to see it or not. It’s too scary for most of us to look at ourselves so we spend time bashing someone we never knew. MJ had nothing but pure love and goodwill in his kind heart and never hurt a soul. America met him with judgment, resentment, deceit, lies, bigotry, hypocrisy. Why?  Because he didn’t womanize instead he preferred being around children and animals.He brought beauty and joy to our world.  I would have loved to have been friends with him. Climbing trees, water fights, Disneyland, playing with animals, watching movies. Yes, if that is odd, then I’m on board with the odd train. Troubled soul? Half our planet is filled with troubled souls. Myriads of us walking around day after day but we don’t have the media dropping the ball on our every move. Of course, half the planet took the gossip and dirt and ran with it. Oh, and by the way, I sleep with a doll.

With A Child’s Heart

Go face the worries of the day

With a child’s heart

Turn each problem into play

No need to worry no need to fear

Just being alive makes it all so very clear

With a child’s heart

Nothing can ever get you down

With a child’s heart

You’ve got no reason to frown

Love is as welcome

As a sunny sunny day

No grown-up thoughts

To lead our hearts astray

Take life easy, so easy nice and easy

Like a child so gay and so carefree

The whole world smiles with you

As you go your merry way

Oh with a child’s heart

Nothing’s gonna get me down

About hannahkozak

I am passionate about photography & have been making photos since I was a little girl. I have been a stunt woman for twenty five years. I have a passion for exploration, discovery, and escape. I dream of every place I seek to travel to. A recovering adrenaline junkie, I seek authenticity in everyday experiences. I love Kundalini Yoga,travel, books,writing and authentic, real experiences and people. I brake for squirrels. Que le vaya bien! View all posts by hannahkozak

9 responses to “Michael Jackson: With a Child’s Heart

  • Bonnie

    Well said Hannah! Thank God the trial is over. Unfortunately just because the trial is over doesn’t mean the attacks on Michael are over. We as fans will need to defend Michael’s honor from other things in the future I’m sure. I’m glad we have each other. There’s nothing like an MJ fan. 🙂 I love you Michael! May you rest in peace.
    Thanks Hannah. 🙂
    – Love Bonnie (MJ-Upbeat.com)

  • Inga

    Thank you so much for your impressive and wonderful article you wrote and the beautiful photos Hannah.
    Much L.O.V.E and blessings to you from Germany

  • Chrisdina Fries

    Hello Hannah, I saw live when Mr. Pastor say, Murray become the highest, he must go for 4 years! He is dangerous for the public, and he never work as a dr. !!! But I feel sadness in the same time, because I feel that Michael could live when Murray not did it. And I feel so much pain about his family, his kids, because how deep is the pain for them. They know that their daddy, son, brother could be there. I pray for them, and send so much love in my mind. I wish really God will ever bless them all. I love you and wish you ever the best Hannah, big hugs from Germany

  • elinjones

    What beautiful, truthful, striking, and moving words… and Michael’s song “With a child’s heart” simply melted my heart… Thank you Hannah for writing this beautiful article… you really touched our hearts…just like Michael… L.O.V.E., Elin

  • Jasmine ErinnyeGoddess-megara Heard

    simply loved it! made me cry.. i miss MJ and its all his damn fault!

  • Karen in Houston

    Michael was not weird or any of the other words used to describe him. He was who God made him to be and he was follwing his heart instead of going with the pack mentality. I see nothing wrong with that. He was, is and always will be an original and I believe in time those who ridicule him will come to see the error of their ways. I will never forget what my Mom always told me “don’t try to grow up so fast, you will have the rest of your life to be an adult”. Those words are some of the truest words I’ve ever heard.

  • Nena Snezana Akhtar

    Dear Hannah, that so beautiful, truthful, striking, and moving words…
    and Michael’s song “With a child’s heart” really touched my heart…
    Thank you Hannah for writing this beautiful article…
    God bless you
    LOVE from Munich/Germany
    Your Nena Snezana Akhtar
    MJ´s LEGACY Association International

  • cynthia kates

    Hannah, doesn’t this stuff seem so straight forward and obvious? Its amazing that the most basic things you detail in this blog are so hard for people to comprehend. I am not a big conspiracy theorist so I look at evidence and the facts which lead me to a conclusion. Michael was complicated, but for the most part, other than taking medication for depression after the first accusations, Michael was only looking to apply medicine to sleep. He was not a crack addict or pill popper looking to get his next fix. He was chronically sleep deprived and though he could have employed other methods to sleep, I think it seems like an unfair punishment for a life lived well which included mistakes we all make.
    It is so disappointing to hear people say “well, he was a druggie so this was going to happen eventually, Murray is just the fall guy” This is false. Statistically it is rare for people who are on depression meds and sleeping aids to overdose. Especially those who employ it off and on for years. He was thin, but no thinner than any model or female on the west side. He was always thin and the autopsy declared overall, he was in better health than most 50 year old males. This idea that it would have happened anyway, is for people that get sidetracked really easily. It is beside the point of Murray paying for what he did. Michael clearly is not here and has paid an ultimate price, but what does that have to do with Murray being a man that would sell your soul to protect his job, income and lifestyle. Thankfully, the judge was smarter than many people that I talk to (the masses).
    I love the way you include many of the important facts Hannah that people overlook and the fan video is killer. Love it. You are correct, this did start with the first accusations in the early 90’s. Sad that it ended this way. Sad that Michael’s family had burned him over the years so that when he needed to be able to trust them, he could not. Sad that he had to always be the one to make everything happen. The stress that must put on a person who ultimately felt that unless his legacy helped children, it was all a waste.
    Great blog Hannah. Love that song. He dies with a child’s heart.



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