Michael Jackson, Conrad Murray, Vitiligo

I just returned from the courthouse in downtown Los Angeles for the second procedural hearing of Conrad Murray. Since the last time I went in February, there has been numerous updates of how Dr. Murray conducted himself while Michael Jackson was under his care.

We will never know the truth but we do know that at some point Dr. Murray left Michael alone long enough for him to stop breathing therefore we can assume the proper monitoring was not being done. Propofol is a powerful drug used for anaesthesia. It is meant to depress the heart rate and breathing for surgery, to be administered by trained professionals with facilities for monitoring ie: hospital, proper airway management, supplemental oxygen, artificial ventilation and CPR training.

Michael supposedly begged for the drug for sleep which has never been corroborated. If Murray did nothing else wrong, it is fair to say that the way he administered it was sloppy. Michael was put into an anaesthetic coma nightly with Murray’s care. Did his monthly salary make him forget the Hippocratic oath of preserving life?

Murray’s testimony is he injected Michael with 25 mg of Propofol but autopsy reports indicate Michael’s stomach was swimming in a Propofol bath. Then we have an empty 100ml container with the spike found in the closet. Murray made forty seven minutes of calls on his cell phone including calling his girlfriend and his office to have records removed. He doesn’t call 911 right away. He administers CPR on a bed. He stops CPR to order an aid to pick up bottles of prescription drugs he prescribed. He deliberately delayed calling paramedics to hide drugs. He didn’t tell paramedics he administered Propofol nor did he tell officials at UCLA he administered Propofol. Two days later, after thinking about it, he admits to this important piece of the puzzle. Under the law this is referred to as “consciousness of guilt”. He refused to sign the death certificate at UCLA. His sister La Toya did, not Michael’s doctor.

Now Murray is changing his story. He says Michael “woke up” and gave himself a lethal injection of Propofol. Ch’mon. Michael trusted doctors. He is dead now because of the trust he place in Murray.

Murray injected Jackson with Midazolam (Versed) and Lorazepam (Ativan) which are respiratory depressants. John Dombrowski, MD, a Washington, D.C., anesthesiologist and member of the board of directors of the American Society of Anesthesiologists. “You put them (Versed, Ativan) on top of Propofol, and you’re dead.”

The media is focusing on Michael’s white skin and the bleaching cream found in his bedroom. The post mortem carried out on Michael showed he suffered from Vitiligo, a condition which causes skin to lose its pigment. Benoquin is often prescribed to people with Vitiligo to lighten the skin around the affected areas; depigmentation to help speed along the process that is occurring. The media continues to focus on negativity  just as when Michael was alive. How Michael managed the maelstrom that was his life, is baffling.He had to keep forgiving.

Here is a blog that will help you visually see what happens when someone is suffering from Vitiligo. Great photos attached. If you ever wondered if Michael was trying to change his skin color from black to white, these photos alone should help you to understand the disease he suffered from. He told Oprah he suffered from Vitiligo in the 1993 interview but the press decided he was trying to change his skin color instead of believing him.



MJ’s scalp suffered third degree burns from the Pepsi commercial in 1984. He began prescription drugs for the immense pain he was in. He lost a lot of scalp hair. He was diagnosed with Lupus and Vitiligo sometime in the early eighties. He loses more hair. He loses his eyebrows, which is why he has them tattooed on. When he wouldn’t agree to Jordan Chandler’s fathers term of blackmail, he is wrongly accused of child molestation in 1993. More stress on his immune system, more drugs. Then he is accused of molestation by Gavin Arvizo’s mother Janet, a woman with a criminal record for feigning serious injuries in order to gain financially. A woman who is mentally ill. Two-three versions of her were seen at the trial.  It was revealed she had a history of perjury and fraud. Witnesses on stand actually said “Ok, I lied about everything”.  Even Tom Sneddon, who brought her in as an attempt to take out Michael Jackson, was disgusted with her.  The trial in 2005 just about kills Michael. He leaves his beloved Neverland feeling like an outsider in his home of the United States after Sneddon orchestrates the desecration of his home with seventy officers. Michael vows never to return to his dream home. He never did.  In my humble opinion, I think what the mass media did to Michael, including but not limited to Diane Diamond,Tom Sneddon, Tommy Mottola and Martin Bashir was an example of a modern day lynching. Diane Diamond admitted on camera that her sole aim in life was to destroy Michael Jackson and she was happy when she said it. She sided with witnesses who were unreliable, gave inaccurate reports. Why was she treated as a reliable source of information?  Michael was crucified, nails in both hands. We have a judicial system that can drag someone through the mud with no repercussions. How does a great democracy like America allow witch hunts?

MJ lived his entire life, from the age of five, in the public eye. Working strip clubs at the ripe age of eight. The constant vilification from the press wore his immune system down. How much media bashing can one person take? How much humiliation and pain can anyone take?  The result of the constant stress and ridicule had profound effects on him emotionally and physically. Not only did he deal with the humiliation of being wrongly accused, he then suffered from Lupus and Vitiligo while the press insisted he was changing his skin color.  It makes no sense that anyone wants their skin to become translucent white and have to walk around with an umbrella to keep from getting one iota of sun or skin cancer.

Read this story about an Afro-American girl who turned white:


An Afro-American man who turned white:


Why is it that most people think MJ slept in a hyperbolic chamber, tried to buy the Elephant Man’s bones, was trying to make himself white but don’t know he  broke the Guiness Book of Records for supporting more charities than any other entertainer? When he was successful, the media fed off him and eventually destroyed MJ. Considering his childhood abuse, his lack of childhood, the burn to his scalp, the illnesses, not to mention being accused of molestation and the constant spotlight, it’s a testament to how strong he was that he survived as long as he did. He did more in his short fifty years than most of us can even dream of. He created magic with his music and left his handprint on my spirit and my heart. His music has been the soundtrack to my life from the time I was in grade school. His voice and music brought light into my world.

Dark always tries to destroy light. Michael loved animals, children, play and laughter. He was soft, gracious, kind, fragile, caring, giving, loving, compassionate, eccentric, not judgmental, forgiving and vulnerable. He had deep loving platonic relationships. He cared deeply about humanity and the planet. Jealous, judgmental, insecure people had to make him wrong. Their hearts are in fear and control. I think people who made and continue to make fun of him were jealous because he was such a sweet soul. Those people are filled with envy, mistrust, and hatred. Michael’s heart was in the right place. I’m surprised he lived as long as he did. Maya Angelou said “We do know we had him and we are the world”. It’s a shame we didn’t take care of him. I only wonder what Michael’s life could have been had the media focused on the genuine, compassionate side of Michael.

“Everyone’s taking control of me, seems that the world’s got has a role for me. I’m so confused will you show to me, you’ll be there for me and care enough to bare me”.

The fans that turned out today are doing just that. People came from across the U.S, from France, Netherlands, Argentina and Germany. Children holding homemade banners. People singing his songs in unison.  Their passion is a testament to the love Michael Jackson felt for his fans. But even his fan’s love couldn’t keep him from the constant stress he was under.

As Katherine walks down the hallway, Janet is gently there for her. I’m told that Janet kept her hand on her mother nearly the entire time they were in court today. There was a look of anguish on Katherine Jackson’s face as she walked slowly down the hallway. I saw it in February as well. I see tears in her eyes. One of the fans has given her a few red roses. Today I held my hand out to her. She took my hand as I looked into her eyes. I said “G-d bless you”. We have an exchange for just a moment.

I am still grieving the loss of Michael Jackson, who, for me, was the personification of compassion. I cannot think of any artist who wrote about the unification of humanity and of love. His message was simple: L-O-V-E.

Perhaps Michael was just ahead of his time and the rest of us needed to catch up. I believe mediocre people judged Michael Jackson because he dared to be different. Society cannot bind the hands of genius.

I don’t agree with Rabbi Schmuley breaching confidence and trust by going public with his therapy sessions of Michael. There is a quote that may help us to understand what drove Michael. Michael was quoted as saying to Schmuley:  “I am going to say something I have never said before and this is the truth. I have no reason to lie to you and God knows I am telling the truth. I think all my success and fame, and I have wanted it, I have wanted it because I wanted to be loved. That’s all. That’s the real truth. I wanted people to love me, truly love me, because I never really felt loved. I said I know I have an ability. Maybe if I sharpened my craft, maybe people will love me more. I just wanted to be loved because I think it is very important to be loved and to tell people that you love them and to look in their eyes and say it.”

I know Propofol stopped Michael’s heart from beating but the judgment, hatred, misunderstanding and ridicule killed him decades ago.

“But they told me a man should be faithful and walk when not able and fight to the end but I’m only human”. Michael was after all, only human.

About hannahkozak

I am passionate about photography & have been making photos since I was a little girl. I have been a stunt woman for twenty five years. I have a passion for exploration, discovery, and escape. I dream of every place I seek to travel to. A recovering adrenaline junkie, I seek authenticity in everyday experiences. I love Kundalini Yoga,travel, books,writing and authentic, real experiences and people. I brake for squirrels. Que le vaya bien! View all posts by hannahkozak

5 responses to “Michael Jackson, Conrad Murray, Vitiligo

  • Sharon Burns

    Your blog is beautiful. It shows clearly that you loved Michael.Please cont. to be there for Katherine when possible. I’m sure it meant a lot to her-and to Michael if he was looking down. I hope the fans cont. to act kindly-it’s what he would have wanted.
    I so wish there was more I could do. I write letters and emails, I pray for justice but I know it may not happen till we stand before The Lord. What I want more is vindication for Michael!!

  • Steve Ferry

    I am awed by your dedication Hanna. Keep living in the light, we can only be drawn to you like moths to the light… I pray that justice is served this time….. Love to you especially.

  • Sharon Burns

    I see that you’ve met Katherine, at least casually. I sent her a letter months ago but I didn’t actually think she would see it, let alone read it. I felt compelled to send condolences, although it would provide no relief from the pain. Thank you for giving her the roses. I’m sure she was touched. Another delay was painful.
    I get the impression that you’re a lovely young woman with a lovely, generous heart. I’m glad you’re there for her. Bless you.

  • Sharon Burns

    Fans, please join the effort to have Michael’s name uncovered at Gardner Street School where he went to elementart school for a time. The name was covered with plywood boxes when he was accused in ’02. Parents and board objected to name being there.
    Go to Facebook to see the explanation and download a petition letter you then sign and mail. Google also has info.

    A lovely person named Jennifer Marino will take the letters she recieves to the school when she has a stack. mjf@groupmail.net
    Also please tell all the other fans yous know. Thanks so much. It’s time Michael was vindicated.

  • Sharon Burns

    mjfam@groupmail.com Correction for email for last reply.

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